It’s just not a good time, baby

Do you ever get the feeling you’ve walked right into the middle of something?

It was one of those dreams that was so vivid it was hard to shake off, and I’m still thinking about it. I realize that for some people it would be a wonderful dream, and one they really hope will be fulfilled. For me, it was definitely one that I’m glad was just a dream, and one I have no desire to see come true. It occurred to me as I thought about the dream that I don’t know what it would feel like to learn I was pregnant – and be happy about it.

My husband and I are in our mid-forties, this is a second marriage for us both, and between us we have children in their twenties, teens, and pre -teens. We’d really like to see them all out on their own before we’re in our sixties, and so we have agreed that we will not have any children together. The timing would be all wrong. And as someone whose only non-dream pregnancy occurred when she was a nineteen-year-old, single college student, I have some experience with babies and bad timing.

Then again, I’m not sure that many babies actually come along at the right time. Here’s the dream: you’ve been married a couple of years, you have some money in the bank and a comfortable home, and you and your spouse have decided it’s time to Start a Family. Within six months, you’re happily expecting your new addition. Baby arrives, and after about a year or so, you’ve got things figured out reasonably well, and it’s about time to think about giving Baby a sibling. By your fifth wedding anniversary, you’ve got two thriving children and have found a work/family mix that meets all of your needs.

Did reality work out that way for ANYONE you know?


You’re in the middle of my latest post for the Los Angeles Moms Blog. If you want to know how it started and see how it ends, here’s where you can read the rest

*** You came in around the middle of this post, but it’s still the beginning of my giveaway of The 19th Wife – it just started yesterday! The book review and entry instructions are posted here – entries are open until Friday, June 26.***

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  1. Actually, I feel very lucky to say that is how it was with me and my husband. We lived together for a couple of years, got enganged, got married, bought a home and one year later decided to try for a baby. Within 3 months I was preggers.

    We decided to have only one though. And that feeling lasted until he was about to start Kindie. Then, my clock started to tick. So we tried for #2 and in one month I was preggers. I had her before I was 35.

    So for us it worked out but I realize that the "dream" is just a dream for most folks and I feel very blessed that it worked out the way it did for us.

  2. Ti – I'm sure it does work out that way for a lot of people, but I've probably just heard more about the ones for whom it hasn't :-). It's just that we don't have sole control over how our plans – or dreams – turn out, I guess.

    Kori – And it's always good to see you :-)!

  3. I had a dream the other night that I was a mother and my baby talked to me. He said, "Thank you, Mommy" when I retrieved the toy he'd tossed across the room. I was shocked my child had spoken–those were his very first words and I was so proud. 🙂

    That's probably the closest I have come to having an actual baby dream of my own.

    As for reality and babies, my husband and I haven't gone down that path. We've talked about it, sure. But it's not something we've really felt the need to pursue. I imagine that if we did get pregnant, we would accept it and deal with it–even come to love the idea–but until then, it's not a position I see myself in.

  4. Wendy (Literary Feline) – Well, some kids do start out with sentences. And I would fully expect a child of yours to be both articulate and polite – should you ever find that the timing worked out to have one, of course :-).