I’ve been encountering some fun stuff in my Reader and my Inbox this week, so as a change of pace, I thought I’d share some of it this weekend. The regular links roundup will return next week.
Via e-mail from my aunt, a retired New York City teacher:
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie… Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
One of Jennifer Weiner’s favorite jokes:
“May I see the new baby?’ I asked.
“Not yet,’ she said ‘I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, ‘May I see the new baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, ‘May I see the baby now?’
“No, not yet,’ replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, ‘Well, when can I see the baby?’
“WHEN HE CRIES!’ she told me.
“WHEN HE CRIES?’ I demanded. ‘Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?’
“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!’
Now, what was I doing?, via Not Always Right
Thanks to everyone who contributed to Gypsy‘s total of 12 votes in A Novel Menagerie‘s “Beautiful Baby Contest” – she didn’t come in last, and she did receive an honorable mention:
Gypsy – Voted “Lady Of Grace & Elegance” Award
This photo was taken while she was drying off in the sun after falling into a creek – so much for grace and elegance! However, she is a Southern Belle and a (sort of) classy dame, and she appreciates the honor!
