From my Inbox: Eats, Shoots and Leaves edition

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted something that came via e-mail, so here’s one that came in from my mother-in-law yesterday. I don’t think it’s new – I think I’ve seen some of these floating around before – but the humor generated by careless grammar and punctuation never gets old. Always remember that spell-check is no substitute for good old-fashioned proofreading! (The commentary came with the e-mail. I’ve written nothing for this post except for this little introduction.)

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter  
      A reader called the editor about this one. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.   

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says   
       And in other news, the sky is blue.

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers   
       Now that’s taking things a bit far!   

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over   
       What a guy!    

Miners Refuse to Work after Death  
      Good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s! 

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant   
      See if that works any better than a fair trial! 

War Dims Hope for Peace   
        I can see where it might have that effect! 

 If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile  
       This just in…water is wet.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures   
       A follow-up story…water is STILL wet.

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide   
        They may be on to something! 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges   
      You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?  

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge   
     He probably IS the battery charge! 

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group   
       Weren’t they fat enough?! 

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft   
        That’s what he gets for eating those beans! 

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks   
       Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half   
       Chainsaw Massacre all over again!  

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors   
       Boy, are they tall!   

And the winner is….  
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  
     Did I read that right? 

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  1. Kathy (Bermudaonion), Kori, Sarah – I'm always glad to know I'm not the only one who finds stuff like this funny. Glad to have brought you your morning chuckle, and feel free to steal and pass 'em on!

  2. These are good. I just saw one the other day that cracked me up, but I can't remember it now. You can find a lot online since they are trying to get things out so fast.

  3. Mike – That's true. You can probably find them here sometimes, unfortunately – and not like this. I'm sure I've been guilty, or will be in the future…but given my penchant for punnery, I'll claim I did it on purpose :-).