From My Inbox: Punny Business

Here’s a little wordplay for your Tuesday, courtesy of my uncle who still emails me stuff like this every now and then. He knows I love bad puns–not that there’s any other kind. If you share my feelings about them, I hope you enjoy these! 

dog using words from Princess Bride
Judge Winchester of the Word Police

 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
Details are sketchy.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.
It’s syncing now.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.
I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen.
As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
judge dog judges disapprovingly
Judge Winchester renders judgement on this silliness

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