Now that we’re through the process of buying the house, Tall Paul and I were talking about stress yesterday–his has dropped noticeably, while mine seems to be increasing. What makes the difference for him is that we’ve now entered the phase where he feels more in control over things; buying the house involved waiting for other people to make decisions and take actions, but actually moving into it is about practicalities, logistics, and DIY. What makes the difference for me is that the closer we get, the more I feel the inverse relationship between time and the length of the to-do list; the more my time is claimed by things, the more I worry about getting any of it done, and the less I feel in control of anything. Years ago, I recognized that this was another inverse relationship: the less control, the more worry (and its tagalong cousin, stress). I’m less stressed when I’m either accepting an essential lack of control over the Big Things–perhaps I am being granted, sometimes, “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”–or confident that I’m dealing with such a Small Thing that I have almost full control over it. My job title is “Controller,” and there are times I don’t wear it very well at all.
