I love a good bad pun, or a couple dozen of ’em…

…which doesn’t mean you have to love them too, but you DO have to put up with ’em when I decide to share them! These have made the rounds in my family lately – I received them in e-mails from both my sister and my uncle.
Lucky for me, Tall Paul loves a good bad pun too – and today’s our wedding anniversary!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
    He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
    but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker,
    but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
    it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
    and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
    it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
    and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
    Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race.
    They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
       Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
      The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
      One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
      Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
      When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
      a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle,
      he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
      a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now
      a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts.
      In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary,
      they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults:
      Practice safe sects!

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  1. Please feel free to e-mail or link these to share with anyone else you think might enjoy them – or at least suffer through them :-). And thanks for indulging me in my weakness for silly wordplay!

  2. I’m just glad I didn’t scare people away with this post. I’ve heard it said that “puns are the lowest form of humor” – I guess I don’t mind scraping the bottom of the barrel :-)! Again, thanks for indulging me.

  3. I love a good bad pun, too, and many of these were new to me. Thanks for helping me get thru the “witching hour” while waiting for dinner to cook itself 🙂