“The Rules.” Call them rules, call them mores, or maybe even call them ethics. In general, we all understand there are certain rules and most of us try to follow them. Something to do with being good. But…are we all playing by the same rules? Do we all have to answer to the same rules? Are the rules applied equitably, and enforced equitably? Are we even all playing the same game? Are you a rule follower?

“Oh, but it’s hard to live by the rules

I never could, and still never do”

– The Pretenders, “Talk of the Town”

Yes, it can be hard to live by the rules…but for the most part, I do anyway, and I think it would be even harder not to. Just think of the chaos.

(You’ll notice I said “for the most part.” I do bend rules when I don’t feel that anyone will be harmed by it. In fact, I’m bending one right now; this is the “Hump Day Hmm” topic for April 30, and I know I won’t be posting it until a week or two later, due to other blog-related commitments.)

This past weekend, I went to my Elder Nephew’s First Communion liturgy. Before the service began, the congregation was told not to take pictures during it (this is pretty normal in Catholic churches). So of course, flashes were going off throughout the entrance processional, as the boys in shirts and ties, and the girls in their white mini-bridal dresses (most with veils) made their way into the church. The rules were very clearly stated, and broken not thirty seconds later.

I encounter people every day who seem to think that whatever the rules are, they’re for other people, not them. These are the people who put themselves first, and not in a good way; it’s self-esteem gone awry. They behave as if they’re exempt from the rules of civil society, and everyone else needs to get out of their way. And when they don’t face negative consequences for their behavior – when they’re accommodated and allowed to blindly, blithely carry on, barely noticing or acknowledging the havoc in their wake – there’s certainly nothing to encourage them to change their viewpoint. Why should they think the rules apply to them, since no one’s holding them accountable?

Fortunately, though, I don’t believe that these people are the majority – thank goodness. All that self-absorption and disregard for others – chaos. The avoidance of that chaos is one reason for having the rules in the first place. Unfortunately, some of those who are responsible for enforcing the rules for the rest of us are the same ones who think they’re exempt from them – and from this, one of the things we learn is that life isn’t fair.

The rules themselves don’t mean much, though, unless they’re followed, and it’s sad but true that they’re more likely to be followed if people know there may be rewards when they do, and there will penalties when they don’t, rather than because the rules themselves mean anything. However, I don’t think “following” the rules means blind obedience, or that the rules can never be questioned. Society won’t progress without questioning the rules. The rules need to be questioned. A society where the rules matter more than the people is just as uncivil as one where the people ignore the rules; it just flows in the opposite direction.

A former manager of mine used to have a sign over her desk that said, “There’s no reason for it: it’s just our policy.” It was a joke, but unfortunately it’s too often true, and that’s why the rules need to be questioned.

For me, the rule at the heart of everything is the one often called “golden” – treat others as you would want them to treat you. That’s putting yourself first in a positive way, I think. it keeps everything in balance, and most of the important rules that govern our daily lives and interactions are offshoots or applications of that basic principle. One wouldn’t think such a simple rule could get so complicated, and yet it does.

And yet…sometimes the bending or outright breaking of a rule doesn’t hurt anything, and on some occasions it’s actually more beneficial than following it. I think that the physicians’ oath frames that consideration in stating “First, do no harm,” and I consider that a corollary to the “golden” rule I just mentioned.

If you boil it all down to essentials, I think these beliefs underlie most of the rules we function under in society, one way or another. However, sometimes it’s hard to find that framework under the laws, regulations, policies, procedures, and details that govern everyday life, and I think those are the rules that really can be hard to live by – because sometimes they’re nitpicky, inconvenient, or just don’t seem to make sense (“there’s no reason for it…” – oh, wait, I said that already). But I think that if we can dig out the framework, we actually can see the sense in following the rules.

Unfortunately, at the day-to-day-living level, it doesn’t look like examining that framework happens nearly enough. But the unfairness of witnessing the rules not being universally followed or equitably enforced doesn’t need to be a deterrent from trying to follow them – at least most of them, most of the time. Then again, as a wise (but evil) lady recently observed, “Once you know the rules and the norms, then you can make informed decisions on if you wish to deviate from them. If you don’t know, then you’re just guessing and making uninformed or ill-informed decisions.”

What’s your take on the rules?

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