randomness…feed your mind and your blog
Week of March 9: The Internet Do you remember time before the internet? Before you had an email address, online banking, websites, memes, blogs, message boards? When did you first ‘log on’?
There’s a reason the profile blurb in my blog sidebar starts out “I’m probably too old for this blogging thing.” I didn’t find my way online until my thirties, about ten years ago; but in my defense, I have to say that it was still relatively new back then. At least, it was relatively new to most people of my acquaintance. My then-husband was a college professor and had had Internet access at work since the mid-1990’s, which made him a veteran; I didn’t get an e-mail address that worked outside my company until 1997, and wasn’t online regularly at either work or home until the next year.
I loved e-mail as a way to catch up and keep in contact with friends and family – still do, although unfortunately, these days much of that “contact” is passing along jokes, editorials ans (mis)information (thank goodness for Snopes), and “inspirational” stories as opposed to actual updates on our lives. And to be honest, since I’ve been blogging, I haven’t been maintaining that form of contact, regardless of content, nearly as much – but I need to get back to it, since most of my off-line friends don’t blog! At the same time, the online world has given this introvert many new opportunities to meet people and make new friends (one of whom I married, by the way!), and I can’t say enough good things about that.
I’m glad the ‘net came along during my lifetime; I think it’s added many great things to my life and opened up many opportunities – not just for communication, but for finding information and conducting business as well. However, I certainly do remember time before it. What amazes me sometimes is realizing that my 23-year-old son probably barely recalls being without it, and my stepchildren, at ages 13 and 8, honestly will not remember a time when it didn’t exist. We’ll tell them about it, but for them, it will be like hearing about my parents growing up before TV – ancient history that they’ll probably be glad they missed.
And speaking of e-mail contact and jokes, this came from my friend Roxane. I’d point you to her blog, but she doesn’t have one; I guess that’s why she still sends out e-mails like this instead of posting them. Anyway, here are a few things to think about when you don’t have anything more important on your mind (and of course, I couldn’t leave well enough alone, so my comments are in italics).
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. But it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to? (The “penny” usually is paid to someone else at their request. It’s your unsolicited contribution that costs “two cents.” Why is that?)
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? (And what about if you’re cremated?)
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have? (Are you SURE you want this one answered?)
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? (By that standard, babies sleep like my husband does…)
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? (Why should they need to? It’s not like they’re in any real hurry at that point…)
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (Well…no, I’d better restrain myself on this one.)
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (Yes.)
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? (Testing…1, 2, 3….)
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? (When you blow in Gypsy’s face, she runs around in circles – we call her “psycho pup.”)
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
I think we bought our first computer around 2000. We were very excited to get onto AOL, but it didn’t take long to get tired of the discs in the mail!
I don’t know if I could do without it now. I was able to get in contact with a friend from grade school by random e-mail luck. It’s a long story.
Mike – I don’t know if I could do without it at this point either; not for long, anyway. Especially since I dislike the phone – e-mail and online reference/commerce have been godsends to me!