Guest post – “Paulology”

I begged Tall Paul to let me put this up. It’s his version of the “Ology meme” I did earlier this week, and he decided to answer it himself during some downtime, which he then e-mailed to me.

He’s a funny geek in a cool guy’s body. Well, he makes me laugh, anyway, so here’s my husband with his second guest post!

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Italian. They make a fine salad dressing, but still can’t mass produce a decent car.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. In-N-Out Burger, or Backyard Burger, or Subway, or Pick Up Stix, or Quizno’s, or The Habit, or Arbyโ€™s, or…

Q. What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
A. Dakota’s Steakhouse. They are always telling me to “sit down.”

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. Leave a what now?

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Eww, that’s gross! Oh wait, does this mean different servings of the same type of food? In that case, pasta.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Cheese and some sort of meat you are told you shouldn’t eat too much of.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Nothing. Just 4 slices of dry white toast. (And four fried chickens and a Coke for my friend here..)

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. I tried wallpapering my monitor, but then I couldn’t see my files.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Two, because Florinda says that’s all we can have. (Yeah, I do.)

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. “Even,” but sometimes a little “under.”

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Does Pen*s-reduction surgery count?

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Last year.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. My ass, out of bed.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. I don’t remember, everything went black.

BULLCRAPOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Well, pending last minute appeals, the judge says “Thursday.”

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Ramses T. Magnum

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Black. It hides a great many flaws.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Not by mistake.

Q. Have you ever saved someoneโ€™s life?
A. No.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Yes. Someone saved my life tonight: Sugar Bear.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. How about a peck on the cheek for $75?

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. No, because then I would no longer have a middle finger.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Hell yeah! (Sure he would. He’s never blogged in the first place, so it would be the proverbial “money for nothing” for him.)

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Absolutely. In fact, I wanted to, but “Highlights” said “no.”

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Not all at once.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No, probably not.

DUMBOLOGY

Q. What is in your left pocket?
A. My left hand. Don’t ask.

Q. Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A. It was funnier the first time. The second time, you say things like โ€œI laughed at that?โ€

Q. Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A. Carpet. The hard wood is in the bedroom! (Ba dum dum dum.)

Q. Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A. Stand. I’m not THAT old!

Q. Would you live with roommates?
A. Yes, female aerobics instructors, but (again) Florinda won’t let me.

Q. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A. One, but I don’t wear them.

Q. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A. A couple of years ago. I was pulled over with my family in the car. I told the cop it was my mother’s fault (she was in the car) and he let me off. (I was there, and this absolutely happened. It was an illegal U-turn made while driving his mom’s SUV and following her driving directions.)

Q. Who is number 1 on your Top 8?
A. What the hell is a “Top 8?”

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A: Gee, I wish I had one.

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Mom

Q: Last person you hugged?
A: Florinda

Q: Last person to stick their foot in your face?
A: Was the last person to stick a foot in my face.

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 42

Q: Season?
A: Spring or Fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Only when they duck.

Q: Mood?
A: Spazzy

Q: Listening to?
A: The voices in my head arguing (again).

Q: Watching?
A: The keys as I type them.

Q: Worrying about?
A: Everything. It’s my hobby. (Sadly, this one is also absolutely true.)

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Bathroom.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go to the bathroom

Q: What’s the last movie you saw in theater?
A: Charlie Wilson’s Bathroom.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes, in the… oh, never mind.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes, and I’ll kill the SOB who says I’m not!

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