This pun’s for you – the lowest form of humor, but I don’t care

My weakness for puns is well-known among people who know me. My uncle passed along this batch in an e-mail, and since it’s Friday, they seemed worthwhile for an easy post.

1 A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tyred.

2 A will is a dead giveaway

3 Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

4 A backward poet writes inverse.

5 In democracy, it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

6 A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7 If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

8 With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9 Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I will show you A flat miner

10 When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

11 The guy who fell into the upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12 A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulting in Linoleum Blownapart

13 You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it

14 Local Area Network in Australia. The LAN downunder

15 He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key

16 A calendar’s days are numbered.

17 A lot of money is tainted:: ‘taint yours, ‘taint mine.

18 A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19 He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.

20 A plateau is a high form of flattery

21 A short fortune teller escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22 Those who get too big for their breeches will be exposed in the end.

23 When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seem a mall

24 If you jump off a Paris bridge, are you in Seine?

25 Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis

26 Accupuncture: a jab well done

27 Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

28 It is better to have loved a short woman than never to have loved a tall.

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  • Wow. They just get more painful the more I read. But I kind of like the “you’ve seen a mall” joke.